Letters from Daddy 3/15/12

{Letters from Daddy are a series of letters from expectant father to son, on what it means to be a man.}

Dear Chili,

I want to tell you something that you should not be afraid of saying.  You might be embarrassed to say it, but not always.  Saying it can be frustrating, but at times, necessary.  Acknowledging it should drive your curiosity, and fuel your efforts to avoid having to say it more than once in response to any question.  What is this saying; the “it” I’m continuing on about?

It’s a very plain phrase that too many people have trouble saying nowadays: “I don’t know.”

By the time you read this letter, son, it will be no surprise to you that the small bit of knowledge and know-how I do hold, I didn’t always have.  Whatever wisdom I’ve obtained, I did so by seeking it out, or simply being aware when -it- found -me-.  It is important to be confident in what you learn, but never absolute.  If this were the case, we’d still think the sun is the center of the universe, and that home prices in the United States would never go down (spot check: 2008 & The Great Recession).  The journey towards enlightenment is a constant struggle.  We cannot get there by being vain; by assuming we know everything there is to know.  Such an attitude only serves to inflate our own hubris, creating a devilishly comfortable cloud of ignorance to lay one’s head upon.  Remember, while it is vital to be conscious of what you don’t know, it is just as imperative to recognize what you do know is a construct built by facts that have been found – but there is always more to discover. Facts can be fluid, and your mind must be able to keep up.

Turning back to saying “I don’t know” in response to a question, please understand that I don’t want you to be proud, or even comfortable, saying it often.  What I do want is to raise you in a manner that will trigger a mental reflex which instinctively follows “I don’t know” with “but I want to understand”.  This does not just apply to factual inquiries, but also (perhaps more importantly), opinions.  If you do not have enough understanding of a topic or issue to formulate an educated opinion, don’t feel obligated to give it.  Defending an uninformed opinion is like being trapped in quicksand – the more you struggle to justify it, the deeper you’ll dig yourself. Beware those that would participate in such action freely, or without conscience.

An ignorant man’s opinion is a brutal cudgel, and when wielded with great emotion, can turn any conversation into a shouting match.  It is a heavy handed bludgeon, devastatingly effective against the lazy and un-curious, but ultimately prone to overreach, hubris, and self destruction.  Craft your opinion in a sword’s image; honed sharply by your wit, and properly balanced by your knowledge, you should wield it proudly as an extension of your very character.  Do not fight to win, or embarrass your opponent – fight to inform & educate.  There lies a potential ally in every adversary.  Convert the open minded, marginalize the hacks, and don’t be afraid to have your views evolve, as I’m sure they will. When you have the facts on your side, justice in your heart, and a ferocious curiosity of mind, you can stand tall against any bomb tossing blowhard.  I love you, son.

-Daddy